Isolation

I’ve always been socially awkward and struggled to make friends growing up. It wasn’t that I wasn’t well-liked, but I wasn’t one of the popular kids. I was a rule follower and a tattle tale-not great qualities to have when you are trying to make friends.

When I found out Jordyn had Alexander disease, I sought out others who were on the same journey. Simultaneously, I pushed away all my friends and loved ones. They simply did not understand the pain I was feeling. I got lost in the sorrow for a while.

I was making progress on putting myself out there when the pandemic hit. We were forced indoors for months on end in an attempt to shield our daughter from getting the coronavirus. It became easy to isolate myself and I got quite good at it.

As things began to calm down and places started opening back up, the loneliness came back with a vengeance. I had focused so much energy on isolation that when I needed to put that aside, I forgot how to. I had already pushed everyone out.

I’m still working towards finding my community and getting out and meeting new people. As someone with anxiety, it does require quite a bit of effort on my part. Isolation is easy to slip into, but I can’t stay here long. The only things helping me get through the bad days are my faith and support from loved ones. I’m not good at asking for help or accepting it. I’m also not great at accepting invitations. That doesn’t mean I want the invites to stop. It merely means that I need to be extended some grace to come to things in my own time. ❤️