I’m not strong. I’m not brave. I don’t hold super powers. I
am simply a mother who would do anything for her kids.
I am a giver and a fighter. I am loyal. I make mistakes. I don’t have it all figured out and I constantly question the decisions I make.
I typically live my life with a cup half full. It’s a blessing and a curse.
Sometimes when I’m feeling weak and vulnerable, I don’t want to share it with the world. I feel like I’ll let people down if they see that I don’t have it all together.
Just because I’m grateful doesn’t mean that I don’t also grieve. They can live side by side - grief and joy. Grief comes in waves. Last week we received a difficult diagnosis. A few days later my daughter got sick. A few days after that, she was admitted to the hospital. She had 2 back to back emesis episodes while in the hospital which is out of the ordinary for her. One day after we got home, she had yet another emesis episode.
Last night was not restful. Questions loomed in my head, making it hard to settle. My son started running a random fever. Storms rolled in accompanied by very loud cracks of thunder and lightening. My daughter’s bipap alarms kept going off. My son kept waking from the storm. The power loudly went out several times.
In times like these, it’s easy to become hopeless. It feels like you can’t ever get ahead. Things keep pushing you deeper and deeper into despair.
Someone asked me a few days ago how I cope with all this trauma. Without a doubt, Jesus Christ is walking alongside me. When I feel stress and depression creep in, I turn to the Word for hope. The rain comes today, but tomorrow will be sun and joy. The rain is what causes things to grow and bloom. It’s the trials that mold us into who we are and it’s trials that continue to grow my faith.
I don’t have all the answers and I am an awful mess, but I am LOVED by my creator and He remains constant. ❤️
Comments