The 4 month sleep regression is no joke. My son is learning new skills at a rapid pace, not to mention he's also cutting teeth. I've been averaging 5 hours a sleep a night for the past 2 weeks. Work has been busy and stressful, and my students have really been struggling lately. My daughter has also been sick for the past week and a half.
I cannot remember a time when I have felt this exhausted - both mentally and physically. My house is a mess, dishes need to be washed, laundry needs to be folded, and toys need to be put away. I just don't have the energy.
When I tell you it's bad - I mean it! Instead of driving back to work after an off-site meeting Thursday, I started to drive home. I was 2/3 of the way there when I realized I had gone the wrong way. I've forgotten things that were just said to me, among other things.
I'm not only a mother, but I'm an advocate. I make every specialist appointment for my medically complex daughter. I handle all the medication refills and changes. I schedule her therapy appointments and handle all the ordering of her various supplies and pieces of equipment. The mental load required to handle all of those things is taking its toll on me. I'm approaching caregiver burnout. It's something that happens quite often to caregivers. It's unavoidable most times. Self care isn't often something we have time for. It's necessary to keep moving forward, but once I've given all my energy to everyone else in my family, there isn't much left for me.
If I had a choice, I'd choose this life every time. Even though my life is filled with grief and sorrow, there is an equal and sometimes greater amount of joy. I'm able to parent with nothing but love. I don't feel pressure from society to raise my children a certain way. My daughter sets her own standards. My son will grow up knowing what it means to be empathetic. He will come to advocate for his sister and will be a voice for change.
The days are long, but the years are short. I may be exhausted to my core, but my heart is so full.
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