I’ve always known that I wanted to be a mother. I envisioned a healthy baby girl running and playing with her daddy in the front yard, much like my own childhood. Some of my fondest memories were playing softball and pitch and catch in our front yard with my dad.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was so excited! I began buying clothes and researching baby names. I couldn’t wait to tell my friends and family. When we found out the baby was a girl, the nursery planning began. I couldn’t wait to meet this little girl who was doing summersaults in my belly. She was the first grand baby for my parents and was born on their anniversary, so she was pretty special to them (and us).
When she was a year old, we realized something was wrong. The childhood we pictured for her took a dramatic turn we weren’t expecting. We found out that our perfect baby girl had a life threatening disease and that there was nothing we could do to stop the regression from occurring.
As Mother’s Day approaches, I can’t help but get emotional. I am reminiscing the times I rocked her to sleep and often fell asleep myself in the rocking chair. I miss those quiet moments before our world changed forever. My baby girl isn’t a baby anymore. She’s grown into a smart, funny, sassy little girl and I could not be more proud of her determination. She has taught me to love deeper than I ever thought I could and she’s taught me to enjoy every moment of life.
I’ve learned what it means to be brave and that it’s okay to ask for help. I’ve learned the importance of sharing your story and finding friends who will always be by your side even when things get terribly difficult. I’ve learned that you should never wait for the right moment because you are never guaranteed time on this Earth. It’s a precious commodity that we should never take for granted. On this Mother’s Day, I am reflecting on all that it means to be a mother and counting my blessings for my beautiful baby girl who is growing rapidly before my eyes.
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