I’ve gotten really good at holding everything together. I’m usually able to manage problems that arise with a level head. I would even venture to say that a strength of mine is being able to emotionally remove myself from difficult situations in order to make calculated choices.
The news we received last week has completely thrown me off. I’m suddenly anxious and overthinking everything. I’m afraid to ask for help for fear that people will see me as weak. I worry that I’m inconveniencing someone. My confidence has been damaged.
When we receive a new diagnosis, there is usually a plan of action to treat the new symptoms. There is typically a potential solution and I find solace and hope in that.
The series of events that have unfolded this weekend have left me with more questions than answers. What can my daughter see? Does she struggle to watch her iPad? Is that why she can’t effectively use her eye gaze device? How do we need to modify her device so that she CAN use it?
Then there’s the mysterious reason why her WBC is elevated. She’s fighting an infection of some sort, but why is her oxygen seemingly okay when her heart rate is elevated? All tests came back normal so why is she so completely drained that she’s struggling to stay awake?
I feel helpless and defeated. As an advocate and a mother, that’s one of the worst feelings you can feel. I know this is just a bump in the road. We’ll figure out how to navigate it and keep moving forward. Some bumps just jostle me a bit more than others.
If you’re struggling too, I see you. It’s okay to not have everything figured out and you are brave for sharing your story. I’m grateful for the friends who stay by my side through all my hills & valleys. They help me to stay afloat. ❤️
Comentarios